Resources for Parents

 

Contacting us

We recognize that parents are naturally going to have concerns as they transition to new traditions and roles in their student’s life. This is especially true when students enter college for the first time and may experience adjustment difficulties of their own. We welcome and encourage general consultations with concerned parents via phone or in person. Parents can reach our offices at 317-788-5015 to discuss any apprehensions they may have about their student’s wellbeing with a counselor.

It is important to understand, however, that strict and complete confidentiality applies for all students who receive services at our Counseling Center. No information will be released to anyone without the client’s consent through a Release of Information form. In addition, the Counseling Center cannot confirm or deny that a student has visited or is a client of the Counseling Center. To read more about confidentiality, visit our Confidentiality Policy page.

We, of course, want to accommodate your concerns regarding your student and are happy to provide a general consultation specific to those concerns, along with suggestions relating to your student’s overall wellbeing.

We can also provide you with ways to encourage your student to visit our Counseling Center, general tips relating to the difficulty they are experiencing, or other on-campus resources that may be of assistance.

The Counseling Center is open Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. and is closed for lunch from 12 p.m. to 1 p.m. You can contact us via phone or email and we will be happy to consult with you, but please note that the Internet is not a completely secure mechanism for relaying sensitive information such as your student’s name or the issue you need to discuss. Phone contact is preferred.

Adjusting to new roles

The transition from high school to college can be very difficult for students, but it can be equally distressing for parents who are learning to let go. Letting go, of course, begins earlier with your student’s increasing independence. But it is not until they actually leave home to attend college that it becomes such a stark reality.

Although this can be a time of great celebration and pride, it is likely to bring a multitude of conflicting emotions as their childhood and your responsibility for childrearing ends. There may be confusion about how the parent-child roles will both change and remain the same.

It is not comforting to know that your student is having similar thoughts of confusion as they alternate between demanding independence and seeking protection and nurturing from you during this stage of change and maturation. Remember, however, that this is the normal course of development and a very healthy, albeit challenging, time for the family.

Despite the very natural evolution that has occurred or will take place in the coming years, parents may find it difficult to navigate this new phase of their lives. We have some basic suggestions and resources for approaching the changes that you may be dealing with.

Tips for the next chapter

  • Accept that it will be different
    • Students are going to be more independent, so it’s important that parents foster and encourage that shift. However, there is nothing wrong with informing your student of the difficulties you are having.
    • It is a delicate balance, but the key is to learn when to let go all while remaining an anchor for them by providing support and guidance when necessary.
  • Give advance warning
    • You can avoid hurt feelings and the potential for conflict by giving each other advance warning of any significant changes. For parents, that means reassurances that your student is still an important part of the family even though you had to turn their bedroom into an office or there was a sibling takeover.
    • Ask your student to warn you about changes in their own lives, including new tattoos, wacky haircuts, or significant others. You may still need to talk about it when they get home, but at least they are not blindsiding you.
  • Negotiate, don’t argue
    • Communicate the different expectations and feelings you have with your student, and work through any disagreements honestly and openly. There will inevitably be differences in opinion in this new phase.
    • Discuss your new roles and interactions for when your students returns home for breaks. Your student may think they should be treated as any other adult houseguest, while you may expect interactions to be the same as before.
    • Be open to revisions. Parents will need to change old rules, curfews, and ways of interacting. However, it is reasonable to request that your student recognize and respect your concerns when home on breaks by telling you when they are going to be home or calling if they are going to be out later than expected. The critical step here is listening and respecting each other’s views and coming up with mutually satisfying solutions.
  • Create new family rituals
    • Hold on to those traditions that are most meaningful, but develop new ones as well that accommodate the changes both you and your student have made since college. For example, make time to engage in a shared interest or hobby, work on a project around the house together to help your student feel at home, or find time to work together toward personal goals (e.g. physical health, career satisfaction, spiritual wellness, or community service).
    • Remember different isn’t bad. In fact, most parents find that the new adult relationships they are developing with their students are very rewarding.

resources

  • Letting Go: A Parent's Guide to Understanding the College Years by Karen Levin Coburn and Madge Lawrence Treeger
  • You're on Your Own (But I'm Here if You Need Me): Mentoring Your Child During the College Years by Marjorie Savage
  • Been There, Should've Done That II: More Tips for Making the Most of College by Suzette Tyler
  • The Naked Roommate and 107 Other Issues You Might Run Into in College by Harlan Cohen
  • "5 Tips For Parents of LGBT Kids"
  • "LGBT 101: An introduction to the Queer community" 

 

Disclaimer: These resources are not intended to be a substitute for counseling where it is required; they are merely tips and tricks for common concerns in college students and parents. Do not regard these suggestions as professional psychological advisement.
Back to top ↑